Don't Use That In Here!
by Imagination Live
Summary: Yuffie brings an unknown materia into the highwind, what happens when it goes off? Slightly OOC, only 1 cuss word not blocked out, slightly Cloti, and Yuffentine


_Disclaimer: I don't own ff7 or anything else except the storyline and the materia which was born in my imagination ;)_

_A/N: In the 'character1-character2' brackets 1 is body 2 is soul._

"Hey everyone! Look what I found!" Yuffie said excitedly hopping up and down the control room.

The rest of the team came over. "What is it?" Tifa asked.

"A materia!" She said showing them the green orb.

"So? Whats it do?" Barret asked.

"I don't know! Let's try it!" She said activating it.

"Yuffie!" They yelled, as a cloud of smoke absorbed the whole team, the crew stared in shock wondering what was going to happen to them.

Strangely nothing seemed to happen "Next time, ya pull a dumbass stunt like that in my ship I swear-!" Everyone stared, Yuffie had spoken up, she checked her throat and looked at herself "F$%^! I turned into Yuffie!" Everyone else looked at themselves too.

"What the heck? Body swapping materia?" 'Nanaki' yelled surprised.

"Okay who's who!?" 'Vincent' said chirping "Haha, I'm Vinny! Geeez, Vinny your so cold!" He said shivering. "I'm Yuffie!"

"Don't call me 'Vinny', Yuffie." 'Cait' said somberly.

"Woah, I didn't think I could change since I'm a doll!" 'Cid' said weirdly.

'Nanaki' spoke up "Alright who's me!? Tifa I mean!"

Everyone looked at 'Tifa' they responded hesitantly "Cloud..."

"Cloud!?" 'Nanaki-Tifa' yelled taken aback, obviously embarassed.

'Barret' started walking around awkwardly like it was his first time doing so "I've never known how humans can walk with only two legs... But, this isn't _that _hard. Nanaki by the way."

"Obviously, I'm Barret." 'Cloud' said.

"Okay now, Yuffie, change us back!" 'Tifa-Cloud' said.

"I'm Vinny now, Cidney poo has to do it!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' said with a wink and smirk.

"CIDNEY POO!?" 'Yuffie-Cid' shouted. "Your dead brat!" He lunged for 'Vincent-Yuffie'.

"You, idiot! The only person you'll hurt is Vincent!" 'Tifa-Cloud' shouted.

'Yuffie-Cid' stopped attacking at this comment, while 'Vincent-Yuffie' gave 'Her' a rasberry while pulling down 'his' lower eye lid. "Fine, after I fix this, I'll kill you!" 'She' replied, looking at the materia trying to reverse whatever Yuffie had done. "Won't work, You try it Yuffie." 'She' said handing the materia to 'Vincent-Yuffie'.

'Vincent-Yuffie' concentrated as best 'he' could, squeezing one eye shut and sticking 'his' tongue out slightly. Nothing happened. "We're screwed..." 'He' said before looking at the I'm-gonna-kill-you looks. "Whattttttt? I didn't know this would happen!" 'He' said trying to fend off their glares.

"Do you think it wears off?" 'Cid-Cait' asked.

"Is it growing any dimmer?" 'Barret-Nanaki' asked.

'Vincent-Yuffie' looked down at the materia in their hand "Just a tiny little bit... I think we have two hours..."

"Two hours!? How would you know!?" 'Yuffie-Cid' yelled.

"Well, it's a guess... I'm pretty sure it's not more than two hours."

"S #$!" 'Tifa-Cloud' cursed, they looked at 'her' strangely "I really have to go to the bathroom..."

Everyone started laughing except 'Nanaki-Tifa' "Oh, no you don't Cloud Strife! I'll never forgive you!" 'He' said with a growl, since 'he' was an animal-like creature, and was already red, 'he' couldn't blush but if 'he' could, 'he' would be redder than a rose petal. "You better hold it!"

"I will..." 'She' replied blushing like mad, which made everyone else laugh harder.

"So what are we going to do in the time being?" 'Nanaki-Barret' asked.

"Stay inside the ship at all costs!" 'Yuffie-Cid' shouted. "I will not let _anybody, _let alone our enemies, to see us in this condition!" Everyone agreed. "Even if meteor came down at this moment, I wouldn't step outside!"

"Amen." 'Cloud-Barret' said, receiving a look from 'Tifa-Cloud'. "What? I don' think you wanna step outside in your current situation either!" 'Tifa-Cloud' looked away.

"I don't mind being seen as Vinny!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' squealed.

"No..." was all 'Cait-Vincent' said, which made 'him' pout.

"An if anyone a ya, tells anyone 'bout this I'll have your head!" 'Yuffie-Cid' ordered the crew. They all nodded. 'Barret-Nanaki' started going around practicing walking on two legs, 'Vincent-Yuffie' went around doing so called vampire-moves, 'Cait-Vincent' hid in a corner trying not to be seen, but who wouldn't notice _that_? 'Barret-Cloud' couldn't decide what to do but take a nap, 'Cid-Cait' just sat on the floor bored. 'Tifa-Cloud' paced back and forth trying not to think about the bathroom, 'Tifa-Nanaki' got curious as to what Nanaki did at this heighth so 'he' went exploring, as for the great Cid Highwind master in aircrafts, he was in Yuffie's body, so he sat in a corner trying not to vomit on his ship. A half an hour passed and everyone got bored with what they were doing, except 'Yuffie-Cid' who was still in the corner nauseous, 'Cait-Vincent' who did this as a form of relaxation, and 'Tifa-Cloud' who really couldn't take it anymore and started to pace faster and sweat.

'Nanaki-Tifa' walked up to 'Tifa-Cloud and noticed 'He's not gonna make it... But still... I shouldn't have had that full glass of water!... Oh Gaia, please change us back...' 'he' said closing 'his' eyes, in that moment the same cloud appeared around 'Nanaki-Tifa', and 'Tifa-Cloud', then slowly dispersed, they blinked at eachother, "I'm back!" She yelled before running to the bathroom.

'Nanaki' looked at himself "Now I'm Nanaki? What the heck?" In his mind he heard Aerith giggle 'Thanks.' He thought to her. 'No problem' She replied.

"Whatttttt? Now _Cloud's _Nanaki?" 'Vincent-Yuffie' asked. "How did that happen?"

"Luck..." Was all 'Nanaki-Cloud' said.

"Luck!?" 'Yuffie-Cid' moaned "I'm Cid Highwind master of aircraft, and..." he gagged "I've got travel sickness!"

"Hehehe, I feel fine!" 'he' threw up his arm, and danced a little "Perfect in fact! I never wanna change back!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' cheered.

"Then you won't be the 'Single White Rose of Wutai' anymore, you'll be a man..." 'Cait-Vincent' informed from the corner.

'Vincent-Yuffie' stopped cheering and started sulking. "... I'm a man... The Single White Rose of Wutai, is now a man..." 'He' slumped to the ground and started sniffling.

"Ya know I never thought I'd see Vincent cry." 'Cloud-Barret' smirked. 'Cait-Vincent' tried his best to glare but, stuffed dolls weren't meant to glare.

Tifa returned to the room "I'm so glad I changed back in time."

"How did you change back anyway?" 'Cid-Cait' asked.

"Truthfully, I just started praying to Gaia." She smirked. Everyone took a moment of silence, apparantly praying, but nothing happened. "Maybe because it was a close call." She joked.

'Vincent-Yuffie' got up and started running to the kitchen 'Cait-Vincent' called after her "I don't ever use the bathroom."

'He' stopped dead in 'his' tracks and turned quickly "You don't?" they looked at him shocked.

"I haven't needed to since you found me..." He replied awkwardly.

"Well we did find you in a coffin..." 'Vincent-Yuffie' said. "This proves my theory!" 'He' pointed at him "You _are _a vampire! Do you suck our blood while we're asleep?" 'he' screeched and ran over to 'his' normal body and looked at 'her' neck.

"What the hell are ya doin'?" 'Yuffie-Cid' asked swatting 'him' away.

"Let me check my neck for fang marks!" 'he' yelled.

Everyone laughed except 'Cait-Vincent', 'Yuffie-Cid', and 'Vincent-Yuffie' "I ain't lettin you check nothin'! I'm using this body at the moment, so buzz off!" 'Yuffie-Cid' shouted.

"That's my body, old man! I'll check what I like!"

"Not while I'm usin' it you ain't!"

"I don't bite anyone's neck." 'Cait-Vincent' replied with irritation.

'Vincent-Yuffie' stopped "Then your vegan? What do vegan vamps eat?"

Everyone seemed curious to this answer "Nothing..."

"What? I'm confused." 'Vincent-Yuffie' pouted. Yuffie's PHS started ringing, and 'Yuffie-Cid' pulled it out of 'her' pockect and almost answered, until 'Vincent-Yuffie' snatched it "Shoot! It's dad! Should I answer?"

"No, ya idiot! If he hears Vincent's voice say dad that'll freak him out!" 'Yuffie-Cid' shouted. "I'll answer it!"

"No way! You talk totally different from me!" 'he' said pulling the PHS out of 'her' reach.

"I'll answer it." Tifa said. "I'll tell him what happened."

"No, you can't! Don't tell him what happened! Lie!"

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

'Vincent-Yuffie' pressed 'his' fingertips together and rocked on 'his' heels. "I might've taken it without permission..."

"You what!? Yuffie! That's why you shouldn't steal! Especially when you don't know what it does! It causes accidents like today!" Tifa yelled.

"Geez... You sound like my mother..." 'he' grumbled.

"I'm definately telling him."

'Vincent-Yuffie' jumped to 'his' knees and begged using puppy dog eyes "Pwetty pwease? He encourages me steal from other people, but if he knew I stole from him, he'd be uber mad..."

Tifa laughed at the sight of 'Vincent' begging her with puppy dog eyes. "No. He might no a way to reverse it."

Yuffie tried to use her 'ninja' skills to grab the phone and run away, but unfortunately wasn't used to how to use said moves in this body, and was to slow. The PHS had already stopped ringing but she called him back, while 'Vincent-Yuffie' was held by two other party members. "Im _begging _you teef! BEGGING!"

"Hello, Godo? Yeah this is Yuffie's friend Tifa... No she's not in danger. But she is in trouble, apparantly she stole some materia from you." She took the PHS away from her ear till he stopped screaming. "I'm guessing you know which one. Yeah, do you know how to reverse it's effects? Really? That's not good. Yeah here she is, but I warn you she got swapped too."

"Traitor!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' growled as Tifa held the phone up to 'his' ear "Hey, dad! What's-. It's not my fault I got turned into a guy! I just wanted to see what it did..." 'he' jerked his head away from the phone "Woah, stop screaming, your hurting my ear! Okay, I promise no more stealing materia from you..." 'he' grumbled. "I _said _I promise I won't steal from you anymore! Okay, but can I use it on someone first? Fine, I won't! Whatever... He hung up." Tifa retracted the phone, while the other two let her go.

"He said it takes an hour and a half." Tifa informed.

"How long's it been so far?" 'Yuffie-Cid' asked.

"45 minutes captain." A crew member replied.

"Halfway there." 'Nanaki-Cloud' said. "We just have to wait this out."

"I'm _boreeeeeeddddddd_!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' complained.

"Shaddap!" 'Yuffie-Cid' Snapped.

"Me too." 'Cid-Cait' admitted.

"We could play a board game?" Tifa suggested.

"What are we 5! Let's play poker!" 'Yuffie-Cid' Said.

"As long as it ain't strip poker!" 'Cloud-Barret' laughed.

"Trust me no one wants to see us play strip poker!" 'she' laughed. "We're just playin regular poker with bets."

"Gil?" Tifa asked.

"Whatever ya want." 'Yuffie-Cid' replied.

"Materia!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' said.

"I've had enough with materia today." 'Barret-Nanaki' said, which produced a scowl from 'Vincent-Yuffie'.

During the game, 'Vincent-Yuffie' kept grabbing at the chips. "You do that one more time Yuffie, and I'll shoot off your hand with Vincent's gun!" 'Yuffie-Cid' yelled.

"Once again you would only hurt Vinny!" 'he' gave 'her' the second rasberry of the evening.

"I never said Vincent's hand..." 'she' smirked.

"You wouldn't dare, Sir Smokesalot, unless you wanted something to happen to your lighter, and cancer sticks..." 'he' glared in return.

"Don't you touch my smokes!"

"Please don't talk about them, I've been having withdrawls already..." 'Cid-Cait' said.

They stared, "Ya better start smokin' 'cause if ya don't yer gonna be extremely bipolar and get the nastiest migraine. An if I come back to that I'll kick the stuffing outta ya!"

"I don't like being in your body... I don't even know how to smoke and I really don't want to learn." 'Cid-Cait' said.

"Hey how are you being controlled now?" Tifa asked confused.

'He' looked up "I really don't know..."

"Well then how could ya get an addiction to it! It ain't yer body an yer a doll! So start smokin'!"

"Like I said don't know how."

"Fine I'll teach ya!"

"Oh no you don't old man! I'm not becoming a smoker!" 'Vincent-Yuffie' shouted.

"Shaddap! I wasn't gonna smoke one myself! You'd be bummin' smokes off me all the time an borrowin' my lighter! Hell no! I'll do it with a pencil!"

"You're not going to light it up are you?" 'Barret-Nanaki' questioned.

"Shaddap! I'm not a dumbass, I wasn't gonna light the pencil on fire!"

"Not at the poker table!" Tifa said.

"An why the hell not?"

"I don't want to be that close to the smoke!" She replied.

"Then go away!"

"I agree with Tifa." 'Nanaki-Cloud' said.

"Then you go too!" They all agreed with Tifa, "Fine, get yer ass over here!" 'She' said walking away.

"I don't want my body standing to close you hear me!?" 'Vincent-Yuffie' yelled.

They continued the game, several minutes later they both came back. 'Cid-Cait' was slightly jittery "I-I-I-I n-never thh-thought it would fff-fff-feel like th-this..."

"Shaddap sissy! It ain't that bad!" 'Yuffie-Cid' Said.

"It is when it's your soul's first time, but your bodies millionth, and your a doll!" 'he' retorted quickly before he started stuttering again.

They all laughed "I never thought 'bout that!" 'she' admitted.

Suddenly the cloud of smoke returned, enveloping them in it's gray mists. When it flew away "We all back to normal everyone?" Tifa asked.

"Yeah." everyone replied. Yuffie started to sneak out with the materia. "Don't even think about it Yuffie." Vincent warned. She ran out of the room immediatly with everyone chasing after, they caught her, pried the materia out of her hands, and flew off to return it to Godo, asking him to invest in a safe.


End file.
